More Craigslist Fun

The Listing:

philadelphia craigslist > personals > men seeking women

In Philly on business - 35 (center city)

"Can anyone recommend a place for a hip, slender, baby faced and down to earth guy to get a drink?

Will you join me for a drink there?

Make the answer the subject of your email."

(All my Responses in Bold/Italic)

I suggest a bar. Our city has lots of them ;)

I see...very good point. Any particular bar?

That depends on where and what type of place you are looking for - also price range.

So why the baby-face comment? You're older than 35 aren't you? Just think you look or do look closer to 35. Either that or your hoping to meet a young college girl who thinks 35 is old ;)

Ah, I think I missed that part of your email. I'm looking for the type of place where 2 people can have a nice quiet conversation. Think intimate.

The baby-face comment was intended to be taken at face value. I do look younger than I am.

I do tend to go for younger women but that was not the reason for the comment.

"Intimate", huh? Ha.

Intimate conversation.

So basically you want to either: A - Talk dirty with someone in a bar or B - Have the kind of conversation someone would normally have with their therapist ;)

Oh boy. You are too much.

So, what prompted you to write?

Boredom, mostly, plus the possibility of getting a free drink or two, if you want me to be completely honest - ha.

How flattering. So you "expect" a drink but don't "expect" to provide anything in return. Interesting.

I never said I expected a drink, I said that's the best case scenario - especially as you are asking someone to meet you out, I was planning to go out for a happy hour drink as it was, if we got along and you decided to buy me another drink, it would be appreciated. I wouldn't go if I EXPECTED a drink and I didn't want to get one as it was. You asked for best case scenario, I was honest, that was not an expectation.

And I "expect" to find good company. Best case scenario would also be that the nice gentleman I meet is indeed a gentleman who doesn't "expect" to get something from a woman just because he buys her a $7 glass of wine.

aha!

I worded that wrong - I don't even "expect" good company, I would HOPE for good company. In addition, if you found me terribly uninteresting, I'd assume you wouldn't even consider buying me a drink - and if I found you creepy and irritating, I wouldn't want you to buy me a drink.

So then it doesn't even matter if I am a woman.

Well no, I suppose it wouldn't matter, but I would be confused as to why you posted in men seeking women rather than strictly platonic or woman for woman (if you happened to be a lesbian) and why you referred to yourself as a guy.

And I would wonder why you didn't respond to a strictly platonic ad or a woman for woman ad.

Well, probably because I was reading the men seeking women section and you referred to yourself as a guy. What would you be wondering about? I'd certainly ask why she was posing as a guy and make it clear that I'm not into girls that way, but that is she wanted to meet for a friendly drink, sure, why the heck not.

Okay, then. Absolutely no expectations!

Would a gentleman decline to buy a girl a drink based on how interesting he found her? That sounds like a quid pro quo. And we don't do that in this intimate setting of ours!

A gentleman could decline to buy a girl a drink regardless of whether or not he found her attractive or interesting, it's a nice gesture to do so, but certainly not required. What's not gentlemanly is buying a girl a drink or dinner and then expecting that she owes him something sexual in return.

I'd be wondering why she would want to meet a guy from the men seeking women section who is from out of town when she did not want any after bar festivities. And if she does not believe in after bar festivities why it matters if she is into guys or girls and looking for a man when she could just as easily be looking for a robot for intimate conversation.

Why does someone need "after bar activities" or "intimate conversation" from a stranger? If I was travelling for business and knew no one in town and was bored and didn't know where a good place to go was, I would certainly post an ad on craigslist in the women seeking men section (because women seeking men and men seeking women get a lot more views) just for the company. Why not? Also, the women for men and men for women sections - though many people turn them into this - are not supposed to be for sexual encounters - there are other sections for that - mainly the "casual encounters" section.

(I didn't say this to him, but where in the world did the "robot for intimate conversation" come in??)

True. The gentleman could still hope that there would be something sexual and not expect it and still be a gentleman. Just as the lady could hope he buys her a drink and not expect it and still be a lady. I think these are both reasonable hopes for a great night with its foundation in the man for woman section.

Someone doesn't need it any more than someone else needing another person to buy her a drink. Or vice versa. Maybe I'll want you to buy me a drink and you'll want to get in my pants. Why are gender based generalizations necessary?

Who are we to judge what a particular section is for?

(At this point I told him I was leaving for happy hour - he said enjoy, and my final reply...)

May you find your intimate conversation, if all else fails, try chinatown. There are plenty of places there for "intimacy." You'll have to pay for a massage though, and I can't vouch for the conversation. Don't be mad, had to say it, all in good fun - seriously though, enjoy your time in Philly.

Patience is a Virtue

So I respond to this guys ad on Craigslist and sent a picture of myself. His first response is as follows:

Hello Beth,

Well, to be honest, I am not as nerdy as the post suggests. It was something that I thought was funny and would get a good response. I didn't take the test yet on okcupid, do plan on it just don't have the time right now. But anyway I was hoping you could tell be about yourself and give me an accurate description. I thank you for the pic but I never ask for one. This is from experience. Too many people sending out fake pics or pics that are nothing like them. Besides, attraction is so much more than just one's physically appearance. What are you like as a person? Do you have a good heart or are you more a self-interest person? Do you live in the city or the burbs? These attributes tell me more about the person, and what's important, than any picture could represent.

So I do look forward to finding out more about you. And feel free to ask me anything you like. I am an open book.
While this isn't a bad response, I found his comments about not caring about phsyical appearance a little fishy. First of all, let's be honest here - maybe some people care nothing about physical appearance but I generally think you are a liar if you say that physical attraction isn't important at all. Is it everything? Absolutely not, but it is important. Also, he claims to not be interested in seeing a picture but asks for an accurate description? Couldn't I lie more without a picture? I suppose I could do what a lot of men do in saying "I'm very attractive." But something like that is so subjective - it seems stupid and presumptious to just make a blanket statement like that. In addition, most of the guys that say stuff like that seem to think they are much hotter stuff than they actually are, at least so far as I have seen. Also, the fact that this guy seem to be making a big deal about how attraction isn't at all important seems to imply that perhaps he knows I may not find him attractive and is thus trying to play the "once you get to know me you will overlook the fact that I look like Quasimodo." I hate to sound like a superficial bitch, but just like I can't make anyone be attracted to me when they aren't, I can't make myself be attracted to someone that I'm not even slightly attracted to just because I like their personality. I've tried before, and sometimes more attraction does come over time, but when it's not there, it's just not there. I also take issue with the question "Do you have a good heart or are you more a self-interest person." Does he really think anyone is going to say, "No, I do not have a good heart - I care only about myself and anyone else can go screw themselves." In addition, just the general tone of the e-mail seemed to indicate to me that perhaps this guy takes himself a little too seriously. Still, I was going to write back, I just didn't right away. Three days later I get this e-mail from him:

How disappointing.

Good luck in your search.

So I write back a quick note saying, "I've been incredibly sick, just fyi, I've barely been doing anything but sleeping." This was true, by the way. I then soon get another note back from him:

Really? That's what your going with?

Like I said. How disappointing.

Goodbye.

Apparently I wasn't wrong about him taking himself too seriously!

It's Fun to Share!

Just wanted to post a few links sent to me by people or that I've come across through posts on facebook:

A quite entertaining site but a guy posing as a girl on one of these online dating sites: No First Date

An article from The Frisky (a site also worth checking out) - I must admit, it's kinda true!: 10 Reasons why dating an older man is awesome

And my friend Sarah's suggestion for a new Philly boyfriend for me: ArthurKade.com - I sincerely hope this is a joke/internet performance art kind of thing, but you never know with people!