Friday, December 11, 2009

Adventures in Craigslist

So recently I posted something on Craigslist asking for someone to come with me to use a buy one entree get one free Hibachi coupon. My post was as follows:

"I have a buy one entree get one free coupon for Hibachi that expires on the 15th so I'd like to use it tonight or sometime soon. I'm looking for a guy to join me who is preferably between around 27-40, smart, at least college educated, someone with the kind of sense of humor that they appreciate Arrested Development, The Daily Show and Colbert Report, 30 Rock, etc. (if you like any of those shows, you get the point). Basically someone that I can have a decent conversation with and a good time platonically, and, if we have a romantic connection maybe we could go out again sometime (and if we don't, we could still just be friends). And as for me, I'm 28, single, live in the city, love animals, have a bachelors degree in sociology, working on getting my real estate license and currently working part time as an office manager in the city and, as you can probably tell, love all the shows listed above. Movie wise: love flicks like Annie Hall, Juno, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Best in Show - and, predictably, am generally more into movies that play at the Ritz, rather than at a conventional theater. Music wise: best way to describe my taste is saying that I like a lot of the stuff on WXPN. Anything else, just ask :)

I hate to add this on, but from previous experience I feel I must: Please do not send me picture of your penis, pictures of you shirtless, or anything like that. Yes I'd like to know what you look like, but I don't need to see your chest or your penis. This is not about sex and you aren't going to convince me to make it about sex, so please, if that's what you are looking for please just spare me the e-mail."

So I got some great responses, some that were just so-so, and thankfully, everyone listened about the photos. While none were completely god-awful, there were definitely some I felt were worth sharing - some because of the individual response, and some that are part of a pattern of responses I've seen. Here we go:

#1 - Attraction is subjective - even if you are Brad Pitt, it's a little presumptuous to refer to yourself as being "very attractive" or something similar. Even if the woman does find you very attractive, she'll likely find your arrogance to be a turn off. Not to mention, most of the guys that have said something like this, I personally have not found very attractive at all. if you want to say something about your looks say something like "I think I'm a decent looking guy," or "most people say I'm pretty cute," then she'll be pleasantly surprised if she does think you are hot, and won't think you are a complete douchebag whether she finds you attractive or not. Case in point:

Title of picture attached to e-mail: "my good looking self.gif"

#2 - Use punctuation:

"hi seen your post and just want to see if you like to maybe chat some and see where things go am a single guy not looking for any games am single and i take care of my self well so if you like to chat get back like to hear from you"

"hi im joe 50 look 35 and seeking a girl that may move and seeks to build new life if interested lets chat u look good to me i think i would suit you very well bye for now joe"

#3 - Don't phrase your e-mail like it's a poem:

"i m omar and interested in knowing more about you
whatcha doing
do u work?
hey what up
i m definitely a non smoker
college educatehows your monday going
good morningd, sweet and not selfish
i like movies, jogging, exercising, travelin and love the beach and
shore not the sand though;-)
whats your name
very much interested in talking more if you have time 4 me:-)
mine is omar
IT manager at PHL, International sales manager and soccer referee at
naval yard in philadelphia
message me back"

"hi i am very interested in getting to know you
you sound interesting
as for me i am asian
a business man
love to be outdoors
also i like to relax after a lond day of work
i am educated and silly
i also have a romantic sexuall side i am a scorpion so by nature i am passionte
lets get to know each other
tell me about yourself"

#4 - Know the difference between "your" and "you're":

"hi your sexy"

"your really cute I hope I can get to know you"

#5 - Pay attention to your e-mail address: ""

#6 - Use words correctly. We all make mistakes but at least try to proof read or spell check if you are trying to impress someone:

"I like having a simulating conversations over a great meal or wine. If nothing comes out of our dinner I would like to be just friends. I am a fan of movies that play at the Ritz more than at the United Artists. Movies like Thank You for Smoking and Burn After Reading do it for me. As for music I have an ecliptic taste that spans a variety of genres. If its got a good beat/lyrics I will listen. Well if you would like to know more, feel free to write back."

"I 'm single and board."

#7 - Don't send e-mail titled like this: “can i do bad things to you?”

#8 - Don't be so cliche:

"I am Looking for possible friendship leading into a Long-Term
Relationship. I am 5ft 10 inches Tall 190 pounds, Deep green eyes with
brown hair.. I work for the Federal government as a Master Mechanic.
Some things I like to do are long walks on the beach, moonlight dinners
flea markets and yard Sales, always enjoy treating the lady I am with
very special.
If you have any questions Please feel free to ask and can
supply a photo upon request. Hope to hear back from you in the near
future, and thank you for reading."

#9 - This is not an ad for a job:

"Greetings..very a lover, as well...let's chat and meet...some pixs attached...Randy/SWM-47...local in delco/philly burbs....N/S, N/D, D/D free, too!
Pls share your first name, age, pixs-links, cell, location and avail to meet...
I can host sometimes, too
100% real and 100% straight!"

[Note: This guy above sent the same e-mail in response to 16 different craigslist ads, three of which had Craigslist e-mails starting with "gig" and three with Craigslist e-mails starting with "serv"]

"I'm an imternational student at CCC.I would like to reply this position please contact me"

#10 - Don't over use exclamation points in really uncecessary places:

"Hi my name is
Paul!I'm 22yo I'm:friendly,good looking,easy going, nice,with great sense of humour,open-minded ,and very serious person!,athletic body, 6"0high!
I'm well mannered,intelegent,know how to respect and treat lady!!
I'm going to medical school,and have a job of lab technician!I'm living in Philadelphia(Northeast), & if you interesting,contact me!Because I'M VERY INTERESTING!That's it!ask me any questions if you have any!bye"

#11 - Just NO (the bold parts are my favorites):

"I liked nick and Noras play list better then juno. I would like to go out to eat sometime. By the way my name is Jim I'm a good looking white male 31 6 ft 170 brn hair blu eyes. I do work I have a good job. also I'm fun to be around and enjoy laughing. If u would like to know more feel free to send me a reply"

swm 30yrs old 5'8 150lbs,let me tell you more.I live in norristown, I own a car and motorcycles, My hobbies are working on cars and motorcycles going out to get drinks,going for walks,a drive or just staying home and watching a movie or tv. I like certain types of music50's,60's,rock,punk,and hip-hop. Now I am only looking for a friend but also looking for love. Here is alittle about me tell me some stuff about yourself could you send a pic"

My name is abdel, im 28 from west africa n has been here for the past 2
n half years. I saw ur add on craigslist and get interested in the
matter. I will certainly be glad to share some ideas with you during a
Holla back if you like what u see."

"Hello my name is Don,and iam from NC,but iam living up here in PA.I like what you said in your ad,so figured i get back with you.Iam not to good with the computer so you will have to work with me.Okay.Just a little about me.Iam a clean cut man that doesnt smoke or drink,love to have fun,and iam looking for a woman to settle down with.So just the little i said i hope i got your attention.Thank you for your time."

*Needless to say, none of the above got responses*

Why being a single woman in Philly sucks

I read stuff about this before but was looking it up again today and found some interesting sites. Basically, there are many more single women in Philly than men. While I assume some of these sites factor in sexual preference, if they don't, that takes away even more men from the pool. Then (for many of us) who would like an educated man (at least a 4-year college degree) or, in lieu of that, at least a guy that even without the degree is smart enough and talented enough to have a decent career path (also, don't get me wrong, just because you have a degree doesn't neccessarily mean you are intelligent!), and you are left with even less. Also, at my age (28) is seems the majority of the single men are in their early 20's or divorced and at least 40+. Ugh.

Philly is #25 out of 36 on this list: Best and Worst Cities to Encounter Single Men

The map on this isn't great, but it's interesting to see the difference between the east and the west coast. According to this 2007 "Singles" map, in the NYC metro area, combined with the Philadelphia metro area there at least 240,000 more single women than men!

And here's a list of the ratio of single men to single women by PA counties. In Philly it's 74 single men for every 100 single women. Again, however, I'm not sure if this takes into account sexual preference. If you are interested, this site also has lists for every state.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Want to share your dating stories/rants?

E-mail me at or send me a message through Facebook

Eh - Harmony

So I'm on eHarmony checking my matches and I have yet another moment of realization that it hardly EVER happens that anyone I am actually even remotely attracted to makes an effort to get in contact with me. Every once in awhile some one who I think sounds smart and looks like someone that I at least possibly could be attracted to responds to me, but it's very rare that that person actually ever takes the initiative. I know this sounds bas of me to say, but it really seems like the only men that are attracted to me are either significantly older than me, meaning 15-20+ years, or overweight - and by this, I mean like a large pudding belly, not just a soft little pudge in the tummy. Now, I have dated guys that are older than me, that is not a problem, but the fact is I do want to settle down someday, get married, have kids, and a 40+ year old who has already been married and divorced and perhaps already has kids, is less likely to want that. In addition, I don't like the idea that by the time my kids were college age, my husband would already be of retirement age! And with the weight thing - I don't need a guy that's all buff and works out all the time or anything, and I don't care if my guy has a little bit of a tummy - hell, my bodies not even close to perfect - but I'm just not into, well, much larger guys. I also get a lot of short guys - really short guys, like who are only an inch to three inches taller than me. I'm only 5'2 but I wear heels a lot and i don't want to be taller than my boyfriend when I'm in heels! Still, at least with the short guys, I know that I have been attracted to guys that were shorter (and not to mention, the short guys equipment (from what I've seen) can sometimes be surprisingly - well, surprising - considering the guys height ;) Still, fact remains that in general I'm attracted to taller guys, like at least say, 5'8" and up. the thing is, I'm not looking for Brad Pitt. In fact when a guy who is above average in attractiveness finds me attractive I'm always astonished - but I'd like to think I'm at least slightly above average in attractiveness. I mean I know I don't take great pictures but do I look so awful that guys just know they could never be attracted to me? In fact recently a guy closed me as an eHarmony match with the reason being "I just don't feel the chemistry is there" (translated I don't think you are attractive at all) and he wasn't even that good looking (at least not in my opinion)! I mean, my self-esteem isn't always exactly the highest - but after certain experiences with this online dating thing I've started thinking that while most of the time on a scale from 1-10 I would place myself somewhere (depending on various factors) between a "5" and a "7" maybe I'm just delusional and I'm really no more than a "5" even when I am looking my best and maybe a "3" at my worst. I know I'm probably being too hard on myself, and I know that logically there are other reasons people don't respond to people in online dating, but still, after days like today, this is how I feel.

For more on online dating being an annoying pain in the ass (yet we keep suffering through it!) check out the Saucy Single Life.