Q&A - John from PA asks...

"I have been talking to a male friend of mine and we are trying to get a grasp on what we call 'the female quarter life crisis'
Somewhere between 19 and maybe 23 girls turn into women. And a lot of things seem to change along the way."

First of all, John, the quarter life crisis is generally defined as happening closer to 25 - while it's not the best reference, this wikipedia article give a general idea of how a quarter-life crisis is defined: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis - I myself have essentially been in a quarter life crisis for the last 5 or so years! Still, I suppose what you are trying to refer to is simply the fact that women seem to mature faster than men. Still, this "girls becoming women" you speak of, has less to do with an actual quarter life crisis and more to do with the fact that women are actually just growing up and maturing.

"They start having one on one relationships instead of using boyfriends to impress their friends."

Frankly, I'm not even sure where to start with this. I honestly don't believe that most women use boyfriends to "impress" their friends, but maybe these just aren't women I've ever known or been friends with. Do some women see certain types of men as status symbols? Sure, but men do it too, and I think it had little to do with age and more to do with who you are as a person and what you want out of life, and that could be at any age.

"They shift from 'he must know everything' to 'boy do I have to teach him a lot'."

While I don't necessarily agree with this statement, for the sake of trying to answer your question I will say this: When many women are younger we like dating older guys because we think they are more mature. Then we find out that they often aren't. I think a lot of men in their mid-late twenties and even sometimes into their early 30's, still wish they were back at college. These are the men I call over-grown frat boys. They may have jobs and careers, but their emotional level is still on par with an 18 year old. So really it's more that when we are younger and dating an older guy we are more in awe - then we start growing up and we realize there is no reason to be.

"They want less sex and more money spent on them. They get a sense of 'I'm not even going to try that.'"

I don't think it's that they want less sex, as much as they become more discerning about who they sleep with, when they sleep with them, and whether or not they actually want to do anything sexually and that they reserve the right to say no and no be taken advantage of. In regards to money, while I realize that some women are all about the money, for many of us it's just a matter of self-respect. Yes, on a first date, I would appreciate dinner being bought for me. It doesn't have to be fancy, but a trip to the diner doesn't count.

"I've noted some women hit this change as late as 30 in some cases but there's typically some psychological holdup involved. Anyways, my curiosity involves: how does this process look from the woman's side of it. And what relevant changes does it ask of a man looking to date one type or the other (pre-maturation/post-maturation)"

Let's say this: In general, when a man dates a girl who is at least 18 or under (and he is at least 5 years her senior) he does it partially because he has some sort of psychological hold up. This is not to say that this makes him a bad guy - sometimes he's a great guy, but still, there is part of him that likes the "pre-maturation" type. The one that looks up to him, the one that even if she is pretty messed or mature for her age, there is still something innocent about her to them. This also doesn't mean that a relationship can't work out. A friend of mine started dating a 19 year old when he was 25. She was mature for her age, and she was good for him, and now they are married. Still, regardless of how mature she was for her age, he was closer to her age emotionally and that's why it worked. I myself dated three different 23 year olds between the ages of 17 and 18. While they weren't creeps or perverts, and while I was mature for my age (not to mention depressive and extremely jaded) I couldn't possibly be as world weary as even I was at 23 because I still was so young and was relatively innocent in the grand scheme or things. The when I was 19 I met a guy who was literally twice my age (I must throw in that he was an actual rocket scientist - I still think it's cool that I can say I dated a rocket scientist!). We met under very strange circumstances and dated for several months - my parents even met him - they were a bit disturbed by it, especially at first, but even they realized that at the time, he was good to me and for me and me for him. Still I thought a lot about why he was with someone so much younger, and what I concluded was much like what I said above. And on my part, he treated me kinder and was sweeter and more generous (without me even asking - I would argue with him when he tried to give me certain things!) than any guy I've ever dated before or since. And because older men can be that way at times, it adds to the younger woman's awe and appreciation at actually being treated in a way she was always told she should be.

Anyway, my advice to you, John, and your friend, is to try to date women "post-maturation" as you call it. Even if you have fun dating the younger girls, at some point you'll need to grow up, and they aren't always going to be that age. People change. Even if you fell in love with a great younger woman, she too will change and that change might not include you.